TORONTO: Ontario CPC leader Tim Hudak held a press conference today, during which he promised voters that his controversial plan to cut 100,000 public-sector jobs would not negatively impact any of them, or anyone they know, in any way. “The Conservative Party of Ontario understands your concerns” Hudak told reporters “and yes, it is true that if elected we will put 100,000 Ontarians out of work for no reason other than to save money which can instead be used for corporate tax cuts. But don’t worry, you won’t be one of those 100,000 people – and neither will anyone you know.” “In fact,” Hudak assured voters with a knowing wink, “it will probably be that lady at Service Ontario who was rude to you that one time – yea, she’ll definitely be one of the layoffs.”
Hudak called the early-morning presser to address mounting criticism of his plan to stimulate job creation through mass-layoffs, and the redirection of corporate grants – which are strategically targeted at industries with high potential for growth and new hiring – into no-strings-attached corporate tax cuts, which, he claims, will somehow be more effective at creating employment for Ontarians. Specifically, Hudak was responding to a reporter who demanded to know how he expected Ontarians to vote for his layoffs plan, given that “everyone knows someone in the public service.”
“Listen” Hudak intoned sagely, “our plan is very simple – we will put the equivalent of a mid-sized city out of work and onto EI for no reason, end the hiring-contingent grant program, dump a bunch of free money into the laps of our corporate backers, and hope that they create some jobs instead of just keeping the money, like they did when Harper cut corporate taxes in 2007.”
When asked by a second member of the press if he “actually expects anyone to believe this bulls*%t” Hudak accused the reporter of being a socialist, smiled like an idiot, and ended the presser.