OTTAWA: In his first official act, newly elected Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has announced the formation of a special commission tasked with investigating “what, exactly, the leader of Canada is supposed to do – both in general, and on a day-to-day basis.”
The commission, which includes prominent jurists such as constitutional scholar Peter Hogg and former Supreme Court Justice Claire L’heureux Dube, has been given a six week timeframe in which to figure out what the PM does, and report it’s findings to Trudeau in the form of a play.
“I take my job as President of Canada very seriously,” Trudeau said in a press conference to announce the appointment of the commission, “and, as such, my first order of business will be to determine, with the help of the commission, exactly what role I am supposed to play in the governmental system of this country.”
“In particular,” Trudeau said, “the Commission will determine where I’m supposed to go every day, what I’m supposed to do when I get there, and what the purpose of me doing those things is.”
Trudeau predicted that the commission’s findings would be “crucial to the success of [his] administration,” indicating that he was “pretty sure that [he’s] supposed to go around and talk to people and give speeches and stuff” but that he “wanted to be really, really sure” before beginning his term.
The appointment of the special commission has generated significant controversy, and the youthful head of government faced a fierce barrage of questions from the parliamentary press gallery after they had directed him to the lectern in the House of Commons Foyer, turned him around to face the cameras, and explained that he shouldn’t press his mouth directly against the microphone.
“Is this thing on!?” Trudeau shouted in response to a CBC reporter’s question about his readiness to lead the country, tapping the mic tentatively with his lunchbox, “I don’t think it’s on!”
The Prime Minister was then led away by his staff as reporters scrambled to cover their ears, and, after mistakenly walking into a janitor’s closet, returned to 24 Sussex Drive to “find some party whip for [his] latte.”