Kimbo Slice Remembered as a ‘Gentle Giant’ Who Beat the Living S*#t out of Strangers for Money


Last known photograph of the late Kimbo Slice

MARGATE, FLA: Friends and family of deceased UFC journeyman Kimbo Slice gathered at his Florida home today to remember him as an imposing but loveable “teddy-bear” who made his living by seriously injuring complete strangers.

From his humble beginnings pulverizing guys he’d just met in back-yards and parking lots, Slice rose to cult-hero status thanks to his internet popularity, and eventually did a stint in the UFC, where he gravely injured strangers for money in front of sell-out crowds. But behind his terrifying public persona, Slice was all heart, said mourners.

“On the inside, Kimbo was a kind, beautiful soul – a gentle giant, if you will” said childhood friend T-Death, a Florida rapper who was present at Slice’s first stranger-mauling, “at the risk of sounding grandiloquent, he was a prince among men – a poet warrior in the truest sense of the term” Mr. Death continued, adding that “Kimbo never enjoyed battering people he didn’t know into bloody, unconscious mounds of pulp – he was just really, really, really good at it.”

“Kevin [Slice’s birth name] was really just a big teddy bear” quipped college rowing-mate Carothers Bennington III, “I remember this time when we were hiking in the woods, and he accidentally killed a rabbit by snapping its neck, tearing its skin off with his teeth, and then cooking and eating it. Kevin was so upset – he cried for hours. I guess he just didn’t know his own strength.” Bennington recalled, dreamily wiping away a tear, “I’ll never forget those wonderful Yale summers.”

During his brief but captivating professional stranger-beating career, Slice even appeared as a guest on Jimmy Kimmel Live, where he discussed his life, family, and person-smashing technique. Kimmel – one of the people whom Slice did not render unrecognizable through physical battery – paid an emotional tribute to him last night by selecting a member of the audience at random, inviting him onstage, and beating him unconscious with a golf club.

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