Since I was convicted of raping some totally uncool chick earlier this month, I have repeatedly heard (on social media, as well as in the newspapers and on television) that I am being protected by my privilege. I was born, they say, into wealth and power – and I am getting special treatment because of it. My “light” sentence, according to these lesbians, is the result of my “white male cis-gendered blah, blah, blah…. privilege.”
Not only was my sentence not light (I was given six months in jail for poking that chick four and a half times – that’s more than a month per poke!!!) but I am certainly not “privileged.” It may seem like being born rich, white, and athletic (not to mention spectacular behind dumpsters – I mean…. in bed) in a first-world country like the U.S. makes me privileged. But I urge you to put down your flaming bra for a second and ask yourself, under these circumstances, if I would not be more ‘privileged’ had I had been born in Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, or Qatar – where, when a man rapes a woman, they punish the woman!?
Every other day I read about a woman in some Muslim country being beaten, burned, or stoned to death for being raped – while her rapist gets off scot free, or at worst has to marry the bitch. If I were truly privileged, wouldn’t I have been born into one of those utopias? You will agree, I hope, that I would. And I would argue, further, that if rapists in those wonderful places are always going free or getting medals or whatever while I get a month per poke (not to mention a lifetime of notoriety), doesn’t that make me relatively marginalized with respect to those privileged men in their snug little bubbles of paradise? Huh? Doesn’t it, you miserable harpies?
As a member of an oppressed minority (a rapist in one of the dozen-or-so countries in which you can actually get punished for it) I am asking truly privileged individuals (rape victims in a society which punishes the rapist) to examine your privilege, acknowledge it, and be an ally by petitioning Governor Jerry Brown to pardon me. Send respectful requests to Governor Brown (see below) or tweet him @JerryBrownGov #Justice4BrockUCunts. Together, we can end rapist persecution.
State Capitol Building