“Why can’t white people just understand that Pride is actually about us?” – BLM Toronto

TORONTO: Sobbing melodramatically as tears ran down their forlorn faces, representatives of Black Lives Matter (BLM) Toronto held a press conference today to “debunk the white-supremacist notion that the [gay] Pride parade is actually about gays and gay pride, rather than us and our grossly exaggerated and overblown concerns.”

“Why?! Why can’t white people realize – just realize! – that everything, including celebrations of LGBTQ pride and freedom, is really about us and the things we care about?!” one representative gasped, stopping periodically to stare skyward while her lip trembled dramatically, “is there no end to the racism in this country – this white supremacist country?!”

The Press Conference was called after BLM Toronto reversed it’s decision not to attend Pride this weekend, and instead marched in the parade with signs displaying their own slogans and messages, rather than the customary expressions of support for and solidarity with with the LGBT community, because they’re a bunch of self-absorbed jackasses who think the entire goddamn world revolves around them.

BLM Toronto gained international attention last year when they unilaterally co-opted Pride and demanded that the police refrain from expressing their support for the LGBTQ community because Andrew Loku. Their non-Pride-taking-over accomplishments include shouting slogans at Kathleen Wynne on the steps of Queen’s Park as she tried to figure out what they wanted her to do, and thinking that Canada is Mississippi.

“How dare the police – the white supremacist police – show support for a persecuted and oppressed group that isn’t us?!” another representative screamed at the assembled camera crews and news reporters, punching the air above his head and gazing stoically into the distance for way, way too long.

Although supported by irrational idiots on university campuses across North America, this insouciant bullshit has appalled and nauseated basically every sane, intelligent person who has heard about it. “I mean, what the living fuck?” asked one Pride-goer, holding a sign with a pro LGBT message on it – you know, because it was the effing Pride parade, not the BLM parade, you solipsistic fucks – “Pride is about the LGBT community’s triumph over discrimination, oppression and brutality – we support BLM’s fight against racism 364 days of the year, and then, on the one freaking day that’s about us and our struggle, they go and manage to find a way to goddamn make it about them” xe continued, sighing and rolling xer eyes, “what a bunch of selfish cocksuckers.”

As of News Time BLM Toronto had announced that International Women’s Day, Memorial Day, the anniversary of 9-11, and, for some reason, Valentine’s day, are also solely and exclusively about dramatic public statements, demanding things, and exaggerating police violence.

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